First Love Lost
by Perphkt
Summary: Raven has been hidding something from the other Titans, now that all hope is lost, how will she handle it? Raven Terra yuri Warning attempted Suicide
1. Prolog

**Frist Love Lost**

**Chapter 1:Prolog**

Authors Note:Heya' this is my second fic. my other one is called "Bad Memories" Check it out if your into really really dark versions of Raven's past, but be mindful of the Warning at the begining of chapter 1. Well now that the shamless self permoting is out of the way, this **is a yuri fic.** It's between **Raven and Terra**, if you don't like that pairing, or don't like yuri's in general, then do us all a favour and don't read, if I get a flame for this being a yuri or a Terra/Raven pairing I will post the offending user's name on the next chapter and we can all point and laugh at the people, who if nothing else were to stupid to read or listen to my warning, and are also guilty of close-midedness. Anyway I hope

you like it:)

Story Note:Just a little change from the TV show (The first of many most likely) We'll say Terra stayed with the Titans for like a month or so befor her betrayal.

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It was a quiet day in titans tower, like most days since Terra was turned to stone.

Before then at this time of morning Raven would be on the roof, basking in the twilight for her meditation, Starfire would be shouting happy thing about...well just about everything to any one who would listen...and even some who weren't, Robin would be in the gym training or on the couch watching TV. But what always made the morning such a lively time was Cyborg and Beastboy, locking horns in the age old struggle between meat and tofu...Though since she was turned to stone a month and a half ago thing had changed...first off remember this is a month and a half to a group of teenages, which ment to them it felt more like six months. But the mornings were much quieter, Cyborg was making a nice harty breakfast, he had no opposition from Beastboy who now trained for three hours every morning in the gym to keep his mind off Terra and would just pick around the meat in the breakfast Cyborg made. Cyborg was yelling about some new upgrades he put on his car out into the livingroom to Robin, who since Beastboy now occupied the gym all morning was forced to watch the rather weak early morning line up on TV. The gym was big enough for all the titans to work out at the same time, but when Beastboy worked out...well let's just say he had made it clear this was his 'alone time'. Starfire still got up as early as the sun, but she now spent her mornings outside, the other titans got the impression that Star, while still unbelevible happy and child like in nature, had grown a great deal of maturity since then and she had started to value her 'alone time' too, she had explained to the titans that she still liked more then anything to spend time with them, but some times she wanted to be alone with her thoughts, she was so overjoyed when they said they understood, she had given each one of them a bone crushing hug, none walked right for days. Raven was the one who changed the least, sure she was staying in her room 'till noon most days, but she did that every once and a while before Terra, and her personality hadn't changed one bit, this had caused a fight a week and a half after Terra was turned to stone, Beastboy flipped out ...

"What the hell is wrong with you?"Beastboy shouted suddenly at Raven, this gained all the titans attention, Beastboy had just broken a few tower rules, he had swore, a big no-no, he raised his voice in an offencive manner to a fellow titan, and he had done something that may have pissed Raven off, because of how fagile her emotional state was when the titans were first formed, there were several rules basicly saying 'Don't try to get an emotion out of Raven'

"There is nothing wrong with me... though you seem to be having trouble controling your temper..."Raven had replied in her usual monotone.

"How can you just stand there like that!"Beastboy spat, the other titans were trying to decide if they should intervine "Terra, a good friend of ours is dead!"

"She's encased in stone, not dead, there is a big difference"Raven wavered ever so slightly in this sentence, Robin was sure he was the only one to catch it, he was the nearest to her and Beastboy, and Beastboy obviously didn't here it, or didn't care.

"What difference!"Beastboy said holding his arms up like he was holding some invisible box "Do you see her here!Do you see Terra doing all the stuff she should!Like playing game's, fighting crime and spending time with m--"Beastboy cut himslf short, everone knew he and Terra were close, but Beastboy had never got the chance to go on a real 'date' with her, so he was reluctant to say anything 'Boyfriendish'

Raven had turned and was at the doorway when she replied in a softer voice then anyone, especially Beastboy, was expecting, without turning around she said "When someone dies, there gone, there soul leaves there body and the body returns to the earth, all you have left of them are memories of the special times you spent with them, there is no hope of them coming back, there is no hope of being resurected from the grave...but Terra isn't in a grave, she's in a statue in the lava cave's, she's not dead...just sleeping...waiting, waiting for some one to come to her with a cure and wake her up and return her to this world...and you Beastboy are the only one of us not to search for the cure..."Her voice now returned to her usual monotone"If you really care for her so much then try to bring her back instead of lying around feeling sorry for yourself..."And with that she left

That had finally got Beastboy out of bed and into the training room, so Robin didn't bring up the fact that Raven had failed to help search for the cure as well.

But Beastboy did have a point, Raven had not spent anytime consoling Beastboy or even mourning Terra herself, this had surprised the titans, sure Raven had to keep her emotions in check, but the only thing that changed in her was that she spent more time in her room, of caurse she was the level headed one, thats why **this** surprised the titans so much...

It was time to eat breakast, the titans were meeting in the dining room, Cyborg was dishing up four plates, only four because Raven, even if she came into the main room never joined them for breakfast anymore. Starfire had come in, she had a walk it the park right on the other side of the water, Beastboy was coming in from his after workout shower. Robin was just hopping the couch to join them, when the door from the hallway opened, this surprised the titans only a bit, Raven usualy woke up at a reasonable time at least once a week, but to say all the titans were caught off gaurd as Raven walked into the main room could reach a very high spot on the most understated things **ever**.

First off, she was crying...no that doesn't do it justice, hysterically sobbing is closer.

That surprised the titans because, well first off in the almost two years since the titans were started, no one had ever, **ever** seen Raven cry, she had gotten close a few times but she never did. Second, she had always made it seem that if she showed any emotion she would end up hurting someone, yet here she was...

The second thing everybody noticed caught them even more off gaurd, if that was possible, and had them go into an almost panicked state. Raven, had a gun.

But more important then the fact that she had a gun was where she was aiming it.

She had it in her right hand, and she had the barrel dug into her right temple.

Robin instantly went in to detective mode, he took in everything.

She was on the verge of colapsing, her legs were wobbly. Her face was twisted, she was obviously trying hard not to cry. By the way the hand holding the gun was flexing she was trying to pull the trigger, 'Thank god' Robin thought 'Something is holding her back, if I can find out what that is I might be able to talk her down...'

By now the shock had worn off the other titans and they were responding.

"Raven...?"Beastboy asked in disbelief "What are doing?"He kept his voice soft and understanding, Raven's hand flexed again and the titans all tensed intill they saw her relax her hand, though she still looked determined to kill herself.

"We can talk about this girl"Cyborg said his voice to was uncharacteristicly soft "Why don't you just put down the gun, then we can help, ok?"Cyborg ended with a light smile to try to enforce that she should, Raven just ferrowed her brow as more sobbs came out of her as she shook her head 'no'.

"Friend I do not understand..."Starfire said on the verge of tears"What is wrong? I'm sure we can help what ever it is, we are your friends after all..."Starfire finally broke down and fell to her knees crying as she said "I want to help you...Please don't kill yourself, **please!**"Starfire ended on a begging note her voice was so full of pleading that it actually seemed to reach Raven.

"You can't..."Raven said between sobs, the gun never left her head."She-she's-"

Raven never finished as a flood of tears and sobs over took her.

"Who's what Raven?"Robin asked in a calm but strong voice'This has to be the reason..'

"She's go-gone"Raven choked out"I didn't _sob_ want to _sob_ beleave it, but"Another flurry of pain went through her face, Robin watched in horror as Raven's hand flexed again, this time the hammer on the 9mm actually went back about a quarter of the way, before lowering again.

"Who's gone Raven?"Robin asked, his voice was shaky'That was to close, if I don't get the gun out of Raven's hand soon...it's not going to end well' Robin was shook out of his train of though by Starfire walking slowly toward Raven. Starfire looked almost as bad as Raven, and if it weren't for the fact that grabbing Starfire wouldn't work, and would probaly push Raven over the edge, he would have.

"Friend..."Starfire said only a little louder then a whisper as she held out her hands.

"Wh-who is go-gone?"She managed to choke out as she reached Raven, and put a hand on her waist and the other on the wrist of the hand that held the gun.

"My love.."Raven said almost hystericly

'Damn' Robin thought'She's not making any sence, one minute she's talking about some girl being lost, the next, something about her love...'

Raven dropped the gun and fell into Starfire's arms, as the two crying girls fell to the floor Raven finaly answered the question everyone had been asking, she cried out as she hit the floor, in the most saddened voice ever heard in the tower "**Terra!**"

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Authors Note:First of Please Review, even if it's just "Nice fic, I liked it, Update" Just so I don't get discouraged and stop writing, remember this fic is competing for my few hours of writing time with another fic, I'll work on which ever one get's the more reviews. And I know that the titans would have figured out it was Terra she was talking about as soon as she said "She's gone" but I'm taking some artistic leeway here:) Review.


	2. I Can't Live Without Her

**Frist Love Lost**

**Chapter 2:"I Can't Live Without Her"**

To my (Very few) reviewers, Thank You

**D.Montgomery:** Yay, the first review for this story. Here's your update.

**smirker:**Wow, that's the most praise I've ever gotten...your making me blush;) And _gasp_ my writing style? Wow no one's ever complemented my writing style before, Thanks for all your complements. (With my luck I'll try to hard now and srew up;P

Authors Note:First off, for the sake of this chapter, let's just say Raven can go into her mind without using her magic mirror, it just takes alot of concentration.

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Raven opened her eye's to a blinding light. It took her a moment to remember the previous days occurances. It took all her will power not to lose control and breakdown crying. She looked around, they had given her a seditive to calm her down, so she had no idea where she was, her heart sunk. She was in the maximum security cell, and she was wearing braclets that looked like they were made of the same material that Mad-Mod had used to suppress her powers.

Just then the door opened and Starfire walked in, she looked better, it was obviouse she was still upset and she also just finished crying, but still, better.

She smiled at Raven "How are feeling friend Raven?"She asked in her cheerful tone.

This was a much harder question to answer then it sould have been, as Raven thought of the past little while she was convinced she must have split personalities, one moment she was feeling embaresed and guilty, she had her most humiliating moment in front of her friends and now they had to help her, she was nothing but an inconvinence, the next she felt, angre with herself, how could she even think of ending her own life, and in front of her friends no less, and the next moment she wanted with every fiber of her being to dash past Starfire, find the first object with a sharp edge and slit her wrists...

Starfire looked at her friend as she awaited her answer, instead Raven started biting her lip, hard, hard enough to draw blood. "Stop!"Star shouted at Raven, she just looked at Star strange, then she brought her hand up to her lip and pulled it away, as soon as she saw the blood she fell to the floor crying.

"Friend, please, what is wrong? we are still very confused as to why you...did what you did..."Starfire trailed off. By now Raven had regained her composure, just in time for the rest of the titans arrival.

"Are you ready to explain your actions?"Robin asked in a concerned version of his 'leader' voice. Raven looked around the room, then at the floor she was still laying on "Maybe"

"Yes or no Raven"

"Depense what you want to know.."She was still looking at the floor.

"I want to know why you tryed to kill yourself and what Terra has to do with it, it sounded like..."He trailed off, he didn't want to upset her, and chances are it would, if it were false or if they were suddenly living in bizzaro world and it was true, it would still hurt.

"It's a long story"Raven said as she got up off the floor and walked to the bed in the room and sat down.

"We have time"Cyborg said"As much as you need"

Raven sighed, how did she get into this, they promised they would tell them together, but...

"It stated a couple of days after Terra returned" Raven started her story and **everyone** gave her there full undivided attention.

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Raven was on the roof, it was morning, she loved sunrises almost as much as she loved sunsets. She was meditating, saying those three magic words(Literally) over and over.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos" She loved the peace and quiet of mornings on the roof of titans tower, she was never disturbed, well, she used to never be disturbed.

"Pretty" She heard a voice behind her say, Raven instantly recognized it as beloging to the recent arrival.

"Yes, it is"Raven said simply, the less words she used the less the other person had to start a conversation with.

"You come up here every morning?"Terra asked somewhat akwardly.

"Every morning"Terra wasn't taking the hint.

"And you just meditate?"Her topics of conversation were thin at best

"Terra"

"Yes"She looked at Raven attentivly

"What do you want?"The blond haired girls face fell

"Nothing...see at breakfast"Terra said solemnly as she trudged off to the staircase

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos"

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It was the next day and Raven was once again on the roof meditating, and just as she was reaching her center...

"Uh, Raven"Terra said in an uneasy voice 'Just like clock work'Raven thought bitterly, 'Every day since she's been back...and at just the right time to screw me up...'

"What is it Terra?"Raven said in her usual monotone, with her eye's still closed tight.

"Can I...can I join you?"She asked uneasily, this got Raven to open her eye's in shock.

"Is this why you've been coming up here every morning?"Raven aked, never looking at the girl, though she could sence that she turned away sheepishly.

"No"She said quickly"Well...maybe...so...can I?"Terra was obviously nervous, this made Raven slightly suspicious

"Why"Raven asked simply

Terra seemed to struggle on this for a moment "Well...you and Starfire do...sometimes."

"Because we spent some time in each others body"Raven explained

"Is that like a metiphore for something"Terra asked with a stupid grin on her face, the grin disepeared the moment she heard the answer.

"No literally, a criminal accidentily switched our bodies..."She could almost hear all the humor leave the area.

"Oh" Terra was not expecting that"You still haven't answerd my question"She was obviously trying to regain some of her composure by glossing over her stupid remarks "Can I?"

"Suit yourself" Raven said motioning to the space to her left, Terra smiled and walked over she sat down, it was slightly akward, her siting on the ground and Raven hovoring so that her legs were at the same level as Terra's eye's, sencing that this was not what Terra wanted Raven lowered herself intill she was only inches off the ground.

Terra smiled "Thanks"

"Don't mention it.."

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"Hey, Raven..."Terra came up behind her in the main room

"Yes, Terra?"

"You doing anything tonight?"Terra's voice was a little shaky, before Raven could open her mouth to ask 'Why' Terra explained "I's just I found this great tea and coffee place in town, and I was wondering if you wanted to go...with me"Raven had found out, much to her surprise that Terra was quite the tea conesuer, she had tried almost as many tea's as she had.

"...Sure why not"Raven answered, she was greated by a one of Terra's great smile, every time she agreed with some thing Terra said, or agreed to do some thing with her, she got a huge great smile arcoss her face, it was getting to the point that Raven was willing to agree with her just to she her smile...Raven didn't know what was up with that...it was strange...but when Terra smile at her...she felt warm inside, and that was saying something, since Raven always felt cold inside, it was like Terra melted the ice that flowed through her veins.

"Great, I'll see you tonight"

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It was a nice place, hidden it a not-so-nice part of town, but not in an industrial area or any thing, it didn't look like much on the outside, just an old brick building, but on the inside...everything was wood, and nice wood, polished to a nice shine, it had a nice feel to it, like someone's private den.

"Cool..."Was all Raven could say as she basked in the warm comfort that seemed to radiate from every surface of the shop.

"Yea, isn't it..."Terra said as she too took in the warmth "Come on, lets get a table..."

As soon as they were seated a waitress appeared and took there order, Raven had a herbal tea, while Terra had a Green tea.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Terra said suddenly with a large smile on her face.

'That's right' Raven thought 'Today's the 14th'

"Is that why you brought me here today" Raven said, not hearing the words until after they left her mouth.

Terra's smile faltered, it was replaced by a nervous look "What do mean?"

'What do you mean? I'd like to know that aswell' Raven thought, she had no idea why she had said that...or why her face felt so hot.

"Its just...we've been spending alot of time together...and on Valentine's Day you take me to a romantic little tea shop...it's interesting, that's all" Raven ended with a coy smile across her face, Terra looked somewhat panicked now, she wasn't the only one. 'What the hell is going on!' Raven thought, 'Terra looks confused, but she's nowhere near as confused as me, I understand less about what I'm saying then she does, it must be an over active emotion. Damn and I don't don't have my mirror, it would be to difficult to find out which emotion is doing this to me...' Just then Raven got a flash, a vision of an emotion...and it all made sense.

"Terra?"Raven asked, regaining control over her body "Do you love me?"

Terra looked utterly dumbfounded, but nodded 'yes' "How long have you known?" She asked sadly, if Raven rejected her now(Which was more then likely) then she would never get to spend any time with her ever again, and that thought was scarring the life right out of her.

"For about a minute"Raven replied truthfully

Terra looked somewhat shocked, then her face turned somewhat quizikle, like she was trying to ask something but couldn't. Raven knew instantly what it was and brought a hand up to stop Terra.

"Frist" Raven started "Why me? Of everyone for you to have feelings for, why me?"

Terra looked at Raven for a moment, then one of her great smile's that Raven loved so much spread across her face. "Your smart"She started "I've never seen someone read so much and you remember all of it too...your caring"Terra saw Raven opening her mouth to object so quickly added "And don't pretend you not...I spent more time with you in the last three weeks then everyone else combined...I've seen your caring side..."Then the smile grew and she added "Plus your really hot"

Raven nearly choked on her tea at that last coment, this provoked a giggle from Terra.

"So..."Terra said her face turning serious "Do you?"She looked at the table, she was afriad what the answer would be.

"Ya know, this is just as surprising to me but I'm pretty sure I do" Raven said with a smirk, the smile she recieved from Terra made all previous one's look insignificant.

"Really?"

Raven smiled her first ever full smile and repleid "Yes...Terra, I love you..."

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The titans were all shocked by the story.

"No it can't be..."Beastboy said backing into a wall in the back of the cell.

"Sorry Beastboy..."Was all Raven could say as she shifted her gaze to the floor.

"I wont beleive it! Terra was in love with me! And even if she wasn't she would never go for some one like yo--"

"Beastboy thats enough!"Robin shouted, cutting off Beastboy who looked furious

Robin turned back to Raven, she had tears in her eye's. "Is that the truth?"

Raven nodded slightly "Why would I lie?" She said weakly

"I don't know, you tell me!"Beastboy pipped bitterly.

Robin just turned to glar at beastboy, he turned back to Raven "So why didn't you...you know...when she was first turned to stone?"

"My books...I was sure that there was something in one of my spellbooks that could bring her back to me, I found a spell a week after she was...it took since then to get all the materials, I tried it yesterday..."Raven burst into tears"It didn't work" She managed to squeezed out before sobs over took her.

"'She's gone, I didn't want to beleav it, but..' That's what you said in the living room yesterday..."Robin said remembering the previouse day's events.

The sobs quieted enough so that Raven could respond "I **can't** live without her...I **won't** live without her..."

"...You really loved her didn't you...?"Starfire asked quietly.

Raven nodded between sobs. "I just can't stand the pain anymore..."Raven still couldn't look any of her friends in the face as the tears fell down hers "I miss her so much, it get's worse everyday...the only thing that's kept me going is the glimmer of hope there was for a cure...now that thats gone..."Raven dashed suddenly, she tried to get by all the titans, she caught them by surprise so for the most part it was easy, but she was stopped by Starfire. "Get out of my way Star"Raven snarled, she only had one goal in mind, find something with a sharp sdge to end her misery...

"Friend...if I let you go...will you attempt to harm yourself again...?"Starfire asked this with tears in her eyes.

"Out of my way!"Raven said each word slowly and delibritly

"Friend, I don't want to hurt you, but I will if it will stop you from hurting yourself..."Starfire said as her hands started to glow green energy

Raven looked furious, then her face sofened, it looked as she was choking, then she fell, sobing into Starfire's arms. "I can't live without her!"She choked out. Starfire just held her.

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Authors note:Well what did you think? It will start to lighten up now.


	3. Delay

**Frist Love Lost**

**Chapter 3:Delay**

**D. Montgomery:** Once again your review was short and sweet, thanks, here's your update.

**Jaime Snyder:**Thanks for your glowing review, I'm glad to see we have new people reading yuri's (The more people read them, the more people write them) I'm glad you found my story interesting though. As for the whole 'Beastboy & Raven, always together', I've never been a huge fan of that piticular genre, I relate to Raven alot more then any other person (real or animated)on TV and in real life...and I'm a guy, so reading a fic where Raven's with a guy is kinda creepy. Any way, thank's for the review, I hope you continue to read (And review)

**lady-of-tormentdeath:**Thank's for your review, I'm glad you like my story despite the fact that you like Raven/Starfire fic's more. Truth be told I like Raven/Any girl fic's pretty much equally. But there are so few Terra/Raven stories(Only one other that I know of 'True awakening') that I decided to do one of these first. If you have any sugested reading I'd love to hear it, I can't find and new yuri's. As for Raven being out of character...I know, but to have Raven in love at all requires a certain amount of OC.

**sno B:**Wow...well I guees I should address your concerns one at a time(This will be long). First off, so I can write when ever I like I type out all my stories on a very old labtop...like so old it only has notepad and wordpad, so I don't have those line's...and I'm a terrible speller so I think I've been doing pretty good so far. As for my writing style...I write how I talk, so it's like I'm telling you a story that really happened to your face. As for getting a beta reader, that would slow down my update time, and I'm going on a trip over the summer vacation so I'll only be able to type on my labtop, I wont be able to update untill next school year. Plus your the only one that has a problem, all my other reviews have been filled with praise. Also, I didn't think I needed to put an AU in the story...I pretty much thought that by saying this was a yuri people would be smart enough to figure out that people would be out of character...appently I was wrong. And Starfire doesn't talk like Yoda all the time, I bet your one of those people tht would have her saying everything jumbled up...she only does that for certain things, **not** everything. I also thought this would be a good time to point out that you told me to "try to pay attenetion to those green and red sguiggles"...now I may have "atrocious grammar and spelling" but **even I** know that "Attenetion" should be spelt "Attention". Lastly I want **everyone** who care's anywhere near as much that "A lot" is two word as this person to please say so in a reveiw.

**Authors Note:**First off, I want to amend the timeline, lets make it 2 month's in titans tower before Terra betrayed them. And I also want to apolgize for the fight scene in this chapter, I didn't want to go through the actually fight...you'll see what I mean when you read it.And I suppose I sould say(Because so many people have mentioned it)that Raven will once again be out of character.

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"I wont believe it!"Beastboys voice was heard clear even through the metal door that seperated him and Robin from the rest of the titans, who where in the main room now.

"Well, your gonna' have to, because I'm pretty sure it's true.."Robin's voice was no where near as loud as Beastboy's but still audiable through the door.

"How could it be! Terra wasn't gay!She loved me, you guy's all saw us together"Beastboy was now sounding more frustrated then angry

"What we saw were two close friends, you and Terra never did go on any date's, and how could you possibly know wether she was gay or not! From the sound of Raven's story...Terra wasn't to sure about it her self..."Raven could not hear anything after that, but she was sure Robin let out one of his _sigh_'s.

Apparantly they decided to lower there voice's because they didn't hear the rest of the conversation, and it was a few minute's before the door opened and they came in from the hallway.

They both looked tierd.

"Is everything alright man?"Cyborg asked sitting up from the couch

"Not 100, but we wont be having any attacks...right Beastboy?"

"Hey I'm not inhuman"Beastboy said looking offended

"Dude, you kinda' are"Cyborg said with a smirk, he was trying to lighten the mood.

Beastboy just scoweled at him, untill Robin elbowed him in the ribs.

Beastboy, while rubbing his rib cage, turned to Raven and said"I'm sorry, I souldn't have snapped at you..."

Raven was surprised, though she didn't let that show on her face. "That all right Beastboy...it was understandable. You were in love with her..."

"And apparently so were you"Beastboy said with a small grin, as his mind was filled with image's as his perversion took over despite his jealousy for a moment."And I do have to admit you two spent alot of time together...especially near the end..."

When Beastboy looked up, Raven was no longer looking at him, she was looking to the floor, she had tears in her eye's.

When Raven realised Beastboy had noticed the tears she looked up "Sorry, I'v been treating the whole time up to now like she was on a trip...that she would come back to me...but now I have to face facts...she's gone"Raven's lip was quivering by the end.

Beastboy just nodded understandingly

And in that moment Beastboy knew, Raven and Terra **had** been in love...

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"Raven?"Robin called to her through her door, they had decided that someone would sleep out side her door to keep an eye on her.

"What is it Robin?"An annoyed Raven responded

"How serious did your relationship with Terra get...?"His voice was somewhat shaky as he asked

There was a long pause then Raven answered "Where did that come from?"

"I've been wondering since you told us about you two, but I've been searching for the right time to ask"Robin said, his voice still shaky, he had never asked some one about a romantic relationship before.

"And this was the perfect time?"Raven asked sceptickly

"No, but there wasn't any good time...so I thought it would be better just to come out and ask...so, how serious?"

"I really don't think that's any of your business"Raven in her usual dead monotone.

"Fair enough, fair enough..."Robin said in defeat, he thought it was best not to press it, after all it was a very personal question to a person known for not sharing much.

"We are--were in love...that's all you need to know"Raven's voice sunk visible near the end.

Robin nodded and said"...I understand...good night Raven"

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It was a week later and not a whole lot had changed, Beastboy still had not **fully** accepted that the woman he loved had loved Raven. Robin was still enforcing the 'keep an eye on Raven' policy. Starfire kept bugging Raven for all the romantic moments she shared with Terra...and was still dissipointed that the only one's she got were in her initial explenation. Cyborg was more worried that all the attention on her and Terra's relationship would push Raven over the edge again, so he had, for the time being, become her gaurdian angel, every time some one was bothering her, Cyborg would come to the rescue.

At this peticular time, everything was back to normal. Beastboy and Cyborg were fighting over breakfast, Robin was explaining a cultural reference that was just on TV to Starfire, and Raven was sitting on the couch reading a book and drinking her herbal tea.

Everyone's attention was diverted as the alarm went off. Robin was ofcourse the first to react "Titans go!"

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When the titans arrived, they were very surprised. There in front of them were fifty of Slade's robotic minions, and for a split second they beleaved Slade had returned...that was until a group of street punks walked out of a bank that had had it's outer wall demolished, after the gang members started giving orders to the robots it became apparent that they must have just stumbled onto one of Slade's stash's, the police had already foud three stashe's of robot's in werehouses throughout the city.

"Go for the robots but don't let the robbers get away!"Robin yelled as the titans flew into action.

After about ten seconds it became apperant that the robots had been upgraded, they were easily holding the titans at bay while the robbers just stood on the side line's and laughed.

It wasn't that the bots were just to skillful...it was just that there were so many of them...plus the titans had been caught off gaurd.

The fight was starting to look hopeless, only five bots had been disabled, and the titans had been seperated...they could still see each other but they couldn't do any of there combo attacks. Just as all seemed lost...the ground began to shake (AN:You guessed it!)and huge columns of rock shot out of the ground smashing ten, twenty, then thirty robots, the remaining bots turned to the one responsible...there, standing on a floating boulder, was Terra, and she looked pissed "Leave my friends alone!"She yelled at the robots.

Terra was a mess, her normally bright blond hair looked almost brunette with all the dirt that was in it, her face, though it was obviouse she had tried to clean it, was covered in dirt, she was only wearing a thin white under shirt and thin white shorts, bothof which were probably underwear, and both didn't look very white anymore, both also showed offher even skinnyer body...apparently being turned to stone still meant you had to eat.

The titans eye's all went huge at the site of the supposidley stoned girl (AN:I just couldn't resist making at least one stoned joke)Terra's eye's went yellow as lifted her hands up. the ground shook and two large slabs of stone were pulled out of the street on either side of the bots, Terra slamed her hands together and as she did the two slabs of concrete slamed into and destroyed the remaining robots. With that Terra lowered herself to the ground, she turned to the robbers who were staring at her with disbelief, Terra just waved a hand towards them and a few chunks of rock flew from the ground and knocked all the robbers out.

Terra stood on the ground, still covered in dirt. She was looking at the titans, she wanted to say something...but she couldn't think of anything, she had so many thing to ask, to apologize for, but nothing came out.

The titans just stared, Terra was standing not twenty feet away from them, dirty but alive and deffinetly not made of stone. As the titans stared at Terra, they noticed Raven running faster then they would have thought possible.

As soon as Raven reached Terra she wrapped her arms around her and planted the most passionate kiss imaginable on Terra's delicate lip's.

Terra was obviously surprised but melted into it, she brought her right hand up and wove her fingers through Raven's amethyst hair, her other hand went hehind Raven but it was inside her cloak so the titans couldn't see she was grabbing the dark girl's ass.

They pulled away and stared into each others tear filled eye's while still holding each other close. Terra was the first to speak "Raven...I am **so** sorry...for everything..."

"It's alright...there was no permenent damage...plus you took out Slade..."Raven said smiling slightly at the end

It was now that Terra looked passed Raven and saw the surprised and the (For the most part) happy expressions on the face's of the other titans, needless to say Terra's eye's went wide. "Shit, the titans!"Terra said, she squirmed trying to get out of Raven's arms, but Raven had been missing her for almost two month's...she wasn't about to let her get away that easily "They know"Raven said when Terra didn't stop squirming.

Terra's eye's went even wider "What?"

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"I don't know...it's just wierd...having them know about us..."Terra said to Raven as they entered the Tower.

"Tell me about it...Starfire hasn't stoped bugging me for every singlr detail of our relationship since they found out"Raven said with a slight smirk

"It must have taken a lot of guts to tell them...how did you do it? Did you just one day say 'Hey everybody...just to let you know me and Terra were dating before she was turned to stone'"Terra stoped as she noticed the sad expression on her girlfriends face "What is it?"

Raven looked up into those blue eye's she had grown to love"How they found out had nothing to do with courage...they found out because I was a coward..."

"I'm sure that's not true, your the bravest person I know..."Terra looked around to the titans for support, but they were all looking at the ground.

"They found out"Raven started, she couldn't look Terra in the eye's for this so she focused on the floor "When I walked, sobbing, into the main room...with a gun to my head.."

Terra was obviously shocked "You tryed to..."

Raven nodded"After you...well I tryed to find a cure, after I found one it took awile to get all the ingrediants for it...but when I tryed it...it didn't work...and I kind of lost it..."

Terra nodded and gave Raven a comforting hug, since it was obviouse that she was on the verge of tears.

Raven could feel Terra's ribcage as she huged her, she must be so hungry, and yet here she was comforting her...

A thought appeared in Terra's mind they hugged "Raven, if you didn't bring me back...who did?" She asked as they broke the embrace

"You mean you don't know?"Raven said surprised

Terra shook her head from side to side "No, when I woke up I was all alone..."The thought deffinetly depresed her "The only things I noticed was that plaque you guys left...and that my skin was hot"

This gained Raven's attention(AN: See sno B, this is how you spell it..)"Like a fever?"

"Yea...why?"Terra said a bit confused

"That was one of the side-affects for my spell"Raven was now putting two and two together "My spell must have been delayed"Raven's face sunk, she had almost killed herself because her spell didn't work...and it had.

"Well then it looks like you were my guardian angel after all"Terra said with one of her huge smile that Raven had missed so much in her absence "Now, got anything to eat? I'm so hungry I gould eat a horse"

And with that Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, and Beastboy (Who thought it futil to try to squeeze in some Terra time) all started making Terra's favorite meals, while the love birds sat and cuddled on the couch.

"This is how it should always be..."Raven said basking in how much beter her life had gotten in only an hour. But Terra didn't hear her, she had fallen asleep in the arm's of the women she loved, and drifted into a dreamless peaceful sleep, so unlike the one she had just awoken from.

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Authors Note:Sorry it's so short, but I wanted to get it out today. I know that most of you probably saw this coming...but if not...surprise!

Also a few people may have taken the end of this chapter the wrong way, Terra is **not dead**, just to let you know...as always please Read and **Review**


	4. Author's Note

Really sorry guys, but my other fic got more reviews.

So you'll unfortunately have to wait till September when I get back from my trip.

If you check out my other fic's last chapter you'll see a list of fic idea's you can vote on for which one's I'll do first.

I after all will need some stories to write over summer vacation, I will continue to write this story, and the sequel to my other stoy, but I'll have all summer to write.

So make sure to check it out.

See you in September.


	5. Lacking Sleep

**First Love Lost**

**Chapter 4:Lacking Sleep**

Yea, it's finally here! I know you all hate me for making you wait so long, but I'm back from my trip and ready to update! Though unfortunately I didn't have a lot of inspiration, or even will to write for that matter, so this was actually the only chapter I was able to write ... sorry ... so don't expect another update right away. I'm busy right now so it might take awhile what with school starting up again. But always take comfort in the fact that I will never give up on a story until its completed, so I will update eventually.

Authors note:I'm gonna side step the whole Terra and Beastboy relationship and only put what has to in...it would just be a whole lot of meaningless work if I wrote out some half assed explanation why they seemed so close in the series and not in this fic.

Last thing before you start reading, I haven't seen an episode with Terra for a long time, so her personality isn't on my mind, so for this chapter at least, she's going to be really out of character ...but it will help the fic. progress.

Now to thank those people who took time out of there lives to review, while this is extremely late after the fact I hope you accept my thanks all the same.

**lady-of-tormentdeath: **I'm glad you like the way the stories going, I know that when it comes to me far to many times I start out liking a story a lot and by the sixth chapter the auther made huge plot twist that made me lose interest in the story.

**D. Montgomery: **Yay! glad you liked it!

**Cyber Grey Wolf: **Thanx, sorry about the spelling, I'm a horrible speller...but apparently a good writer, so it balances everything out:P

**BlackDove682: **Glad to see my story is the exception:) Hope you enjoy this (And Saint Jude)

**kinggohansaiyaman28: **Well here's you update (Finally)

**Billy Rose: **Don't worry about the fighting, I know it would suck so I'll avoid it unless I need to use it for something.

**Wren N. Logan: **Well no more sadness because it's finally here!

**kazutaka Muraki: **I'm glad you like it, but I'm not looking for a beta reader, Sorry, I just think it would slow down the updates(Which are slow enough as is) as for spelling, I'm finally getting this into a program with spell check so I should be fine, thanks for the offer though.

**ymarti89: **Here you go!

**hellokitty888: **Thanks, I actually choose to do a Terra/Raven Because there were so few of them, I hope mine inspires others to write them:)

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Morning was quiet in the tower, not many people were awake yet, only Robin and Starfire were in the main room...so there wasn't the common morning sounds of Beastboy and Cyborg fighting over breakfast.

Robin and Starfire were just settling into watching TV when the door opened and Cyborg came in from the hallway.

"Mornin' y'all..."He said in...well he didn't look tierd, but he sure sounded it.

"Moring Cyborg, sleep well?"Robin asked as he tore himself away from the TV

Cyborg shrugged as he opened the fridge, as if hearing the impending meat filled breakfast Beastboy rushed into the room.

"Dude, you better be grabbing tofu dogs!"Beastboy said warningly

"Who eats hotdog for breakfast?"Cyborg said as he pulled out a half dozen eggs from the fridge.

"I do! Instead of sausages at least..."

The argument continued on for quite a long time, before the door opened and the two late arrivals entered.

The first thing the titans noticed was that Raven was smiling...well maybe smiling is the wrong word, she had a look of shear contentment on her face.

The next thing they noticed was that Terra had a similar, but more profound look on her face.

The last thing they noticed was that the girls were holding hands.

"What?"Terra said with a slight giggle, when she received no answer she rolled her eyes and pulled Raven over through the kitchen to a pair of open seats on the other side of the table/kitchen island.

The titans were still just looking at them strangely, the scene was a bit out of the ordinary after all...for many reasons.

Just then a look of realization appeared on Beastboy's face and he transformed into a bloodhound.

This grabbed the attention of all the titans, Beastboy just sniffed the air of the area that the girls had walked through, then he transformed back to normal.

Beastboy looked directly at the two girls with a look of shock on his face and said

"You two had sex last night!"

All the titans heads turned slowly to look at the girls in question.

Raven and Terra had looks of utter shock on there face's, they both just gaped at Beastboy.

Raven was the first to regain her grasp on reality, she just turned her head to face Terra and said "I told you we should have showered..." That was enough to bring Terra back to reality as well.

Terra sighed and faced Raven, forgetting completely about the other titans "But we were late enough as is...so we would have had to shower together...and well...then we would need another shower..."

Raven opened her mouth to say something probably to the affect of 'If you did it in the shower...you wouldn't have to shower again...' Only she would ever know, for as soon as she opened her mouth...

"You two had sex?"Robin said in disbelief, he had just snapped out of his daze.

Raven blushed and Terra looked at the floor sheepishly as if just realizing what was going on.

"...uh...ya..."Raven said, her monotone wavered slightly.

The titans, especially Robin, were all looking at the girl with shock on there face's.

"What's the problem?"Terra asked with her eyebrow furrowed.

All of the titans opened there mouth's...but nothing come out...I mean what could they say?

"The problem is...well it's..."Robin was struggling to think of something"...it's...well I honestly can't think of anything..."Robin said in defeat.

"But it doesn't feel right"Robin shivered slightly

"Well I'm so sorry if our love doesn't feel right to you"Terra said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

"It's not that yo--...what I mean is...well this is just moving so fast...at least to us"Robin

needed to convay that he was not a homophobe.

"Well..."Raven said, breaking the uncomfortable silence "...it feel's right to us...isn't that what's important?"

"Well, you got us there..."Beastboy said sheepishly as the others nodded slowly in agreement

"Ok!"Terra said clapping her hands together"Can we eat now? I'm starving!"

"After how much you ate last night I didn't think you'd ever eat again...I mean that was a lot!"Cyborg said with slight shock on his face. His thought's were interrupted by Starfire...

"Oh, wonderous glorious day!"Starfire said in an even more cheerful voice then usual as she ran over and grabbed one of Terra's hands and one of Raven's "The culmination of your relationship is a glorious event that must be celebrated"

"Glad to see not all of you guys are shocked and appalled..."Raven said in her usual monotone while blushing slightly.

"We are not 'Shocked and appalled'...like I said, Its just...fast..."Once again Robin was trying franticly to convey that it was just the fact they had sex the night she returned that was causing all this strife.

Terra turned back to Starfire and said "You know...I think that would be the first time anyone ever held a 'congrats on the sex party'..."

"Your right about that" Robin said before quirking an eyebrow and adding "...you know...I don't remember you being so assertive..."

"Well, being encased in stone has made me alot more...aware of my mortality"Terra then smiled and added "So I've adopted more of a 'live for the moment' philosophy..."

"Make's sence..."Beastboy said simply.

"Great!"Cyborg chimed in with a smile "I'm making waffle's!"

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One Month Later

Raven opened her eye's, it was morning, it had been for awhile now, still she didn't have the strength to get up. For a moment she wondered how she was going to make it through the day if she couldn't even leave the bed. 'Where did all my energy go?'Raven thought bitterly, as if to answer her question a moan was heard beside her as she turned to face Terra who was also half asleep.

"Morning sweetie"Terra said in a groggy half asleep kind of voice

"Morning"Raven murmured back.

Raven took a moment to bask in awe at the beautiful sight before her, Terra was lying on her side, her golden blond hair was messy, but that only surved her at this point, her vibrant blue eye's were only open a tiny bit, still enough to mesmerize her, plus the curtains to her window were open (On Terra's request) so the morning sun shown, giving her skin a glow, it made her hair look heavenly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"Terra asked as she did the best stretch she could without moving much.

"Your an angel..."Raven said in an exasperated voice.

Terra looked at her strangely and chuckled "I think maybe you need more sleep honey"

"Oh, I wonder why"Raven said in the best sarcastic voice she could muster considering the previous night.

"Don't blame me...your the one who got naked first..."Terra was now sitting up on the bed as she looked around for her clothes.

"Because I was getting ready for sleep..."Raven rebutted as she too sat up reluctantly.

"We've got to stop doing this...having sex every night is seriously cutting into our energy during the day..."Terra said as she started to put on her bra that she retrieved from it's position on the floor.

"How am I suppose to resist your beauty?"Raven said as she picked up her leotard from the foot of the bed.

"I think you should wear a new one..."Terra said with a smirk, she was now standing as she sliped on her panties.

"Why?"Raven asked as she looked at the leotard, it wasn't dirty, she had only worn it the previous day...

"Smell it"Terra said simply

Raven brought it up to her face and took a wiff...she would deffinetly be wearing a new one, it smelt heavily of sweat, and even more heavily of female arousal...her's.

Raven walked over to her closet and grabbed a fresh leotard, she turned to see Terra hoping around on one foot as she pulled on her shorts, she didn't even try to suppress the laugh as it spilled out.

"What's so funny?"Terra said in an annoyed voice, no sooner had she spoke, did she loose her balance and fell flat on her ass.

Raven now had her arms against her stomach to stop her from falling over she was laughing so hard.

"If you don't stop laughing..."Terra paused as she thought of a decent threat, she got a smirk of her own as she thought of one"...I'll start actually sleeping at night..."

Raven stoped laughing instantly, as attractive as the prospect of a decent nights sleep was...she would much rather spend it in a variety of odd positions with Terra.

"We should get downstairs if we want breakfast"Raven mumbled as she sliped into her leotard.

"Let's hurry then, I'm starving..."

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"We need to talk..."Robin said in a serious voice as the girls entered the main room.

"What about?"Raven asked as they sat down around the table.

"I've noticed that you two have been...less awake then would be preferable..."Robin studdered slightly.

"So?"Terra asked in a sightly annoyed voice

"It's gotten to the point that it would interfere with the team..."

"How could us being to tierd possibly interfere with the team?" Raven asked, her voice was as monotone as it could sound, considering she was still half asleep.

"Well for one you'd be pretty useless in a battle...that alone puts all of our live's in danger..."

"Like you would need six titans to take on anyone stupid enough to rob a bank now that there are SIX of us...after all, since I rejoined, we haven't been called to even one crime" Terra was a bit erked that she was in so much trouble for something that could be easily remedied with a cup of coffee...or several cups of green tea "It's not like we're waging a war on some supervillian now or anything, the crime rate in the city is at a record low...so can you blame us for having a little 'fun'?"

"I don't care how much 'fun' you have. As long as it doesn't interfere with the team" Robin paused for a moment before continuing

"There are other ways this is disrupting the team...when was the last time one of you saw Cy? Or sat down and watched a movie with Beastboy? We all realize that you don't love him Terra, but you've been ignoring him since you got back, and he does still value your friendship...even if that's all it will ever be"

The girls started thinking...this couldn't be right...they weren't ignoring the others...right?

Both of there hearts sank as they realized that it had been two weeks since the saw Cyborg, Terra's sunk even more when she realized Robin was right about her ignoring Beastboy...he was right.

"Hey, listen Robin"Terra started her apology, just as the alarm sounded for the first time in a month.

"Later, we've got trouble! Titans Go!"

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The titans were in the middle of a city street, it was in shambles, a car was on fire not ten feet from them, a large office building had actually fallen over and was barely being held up be another, there were cratered in the street and every glass surface had been shader d.

It looked like a war zone.

And in the middle of the street, basking in all the destruction he had caused was the one person the titans had not expected to see.

"Slade!"

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Well there you go, finally. I hope you people appreciate how hard this was to write. I had absolutely NO inspiration at all. And through the entire summer vacation, I had no will to write this. It's actually taken a month and a half to get this one chapter down...

Don't worry though, I'll still continue to write as long as people review, speaking of which...


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